You know those self check-in kiosks at the airport?  You know how you have to check through a bunch of questions including ones about carrying flammable materials or firearms?  Don’t click on the “yes” box at these questions.  Even by mistake.  If you do they will print out a boarding pass that says “DANGEROUS GOODS” in bold.  And it will tell you to immediately stop all your travel plans and visit the special check in desk which has a long ass line and you will have to stand there with a bunch of people with dogs.

Luckily your “DANGEROUS GOODS” boarding pass makes you immediately known to all the check in agents who are standing around and they will come up to you and call you by your first name and ask if they can help you.  If you are really innocent looking and stammer a lot they will take pity and direct you to the agent they usually only let the first class passengers see.  If you explain very nicely that you hit the “hazardous goods” box by mistake (and if you look especially pathetic they will understand) they will print you up a new boarding pass and send you on your way without too much time shaved off your pre-boarding drinking time. 

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