I think I’m having a mid-life crisis. I’ve heard about these things but never really knew what it was all about. Now that I know, I’ve got to say, it’s not all that exciting.
I am coming to this slow acceptance that this is it. This is my life. It’s not a bad life. In fact it’s a pretty good life with marriage to a great guy and a steady paycheck from a fabulous job. But that sense of anticipation I always used to have, that feeling that I’m working toward something, that’s gone. Maybe if I had kids who were graduating from high school or something I’d understand why I was feeling this way but since I don’t it’s kind of confusing. Instead I just keep realizing that this is it. This is my life.
The feelings that come with this are kind of like a mixture of boredom and depression with a general lack of interest in anything. I’m guessing that some people may not tolerate the boredom too well and end up doing something new and different, like the guy who buys a motorcycle (ahem) or the woman who goes back to college. Or people who seem to have an constant stream of drama in their lives with divorce, family drama, troubles at work or constant financial worries. I realize there are things in life we can’t control, but maybe sometimes people create unnecessary drama because they don’t want to deal with the eventual reality that this is it? This is life.
Luckily for me, as well as my husband and co-workers, I’m kind of a chicken so doing something crazy to shake things up is unlikely. I may buy an outrageous pair of shoes or learn to cook, but otherwise I think I’ll keep the life changing drama to a minimum and ride this out because acceptance of your own reality is the only way to know where you really belong in this world. And this is it. This is my life.